interview advice - for UCSF MEPN or otherwise

I remember around this time last year. I remember being alternately exhilarated and terrified. My interview was in 3 weeks - YAY! and also OH CRAP! I had no idea what to expect. Many hours were devoted to scanning others' blogs about interview tips. Here's what I have cobbled together, based off other blogs, multiple books on applying to nursing school, and my own experience. I'm not offering my answers, though I can offer a bit of direction that either I or the previous authors have given.

Enjoy!

*****

Why do you want to be a nurse? (Be very specific--- this is a big question.)

What do you think a nurse (RN, not NP!) does? (this isn't a trick question! Schools want to see that you
realize that you have a step before being an APN.)

Why did you pick your specialty for the MSN?

What will you bring to the table for the MSN? (What skills/experiences will you bring to UCSF?
How will you contribute to the class?)

Why not Med School? Why don't you want to be a doctor?
(At this point they will be looking for confidence, and they want to see that you definitely know this is the career for you. So have a great answer for the med school vs. nursing school)

Why not PA?

What have you done to prepare yourself for nursing school? (Talk about your volunteer work and research you did on the nursing
profession here, not class work, everyone did that.)

What qualities make a good RN?

Why did you apply to UCSF? Once you decided to be a nurse, how did you select the MEPN program?

Do you like teamwork or to work on your own. (Say both, you like you to take personal responsibility for your actions and
contribution, but enjoy what can be done in teams. Nursing is all about teamwork, with other nurses and the MDs, techs, NPS
etc..)

They will also ask you how you will deal with the stress of being in MEPN, e.g., What do you know about the demands of this program? (very
important! I emphasized that I knew many MEPN students and knew about the emotional, physical, financial demands of this program)

What do you do when you don't get along with the nurses on your floor?

How will you handle criticism from older nurses who don't believe it's possible to become a nurse in 1 year?

What do you do if you do not agree with the nurse who is precepting you?

How will you keep yourself from burning out?

How will you know you're being a good nurse?

Describe a situation where you've had to prioritize and organize a list of tasks

What will you bring to the profession of nursing?

What do you think the hardest thing about being a nurse will be?

How do you handle adversity/challenges?

What do you think it will be like being in a master's program with people who have been working as nurses for years?

How do you handle competition?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?

Do you plan to do research or earn a PhD?

What do you think will be the most difficult thing about being a nurse?

How will you prioritize your day?

Describe an ethical conflict that you’ve gone through

Describe a frustrating experience at work and how you dealt with it

Describe your strengths and weaknesses.

How do you handle difference? Give an example.

*****
In my interview, I had a few minutes left at the end to talk to my interviewers. If you get the opportunity, ASK THEM QUESTIONS! Here's some suggested questions for interviewers:

How did you get into nursing? Why? What is your specialization? Do you do more administrative work than clinical work? Do you
miss clinical work?

What is/are the main challenges during the first year of the MEPN program?

When did you become a nurse?

Did you see any major changes since you started in the profession?

What are your expectations for the chosen candidate?

And, the one I think is the most important:

If you could give one piece of advice to a nursing student what would it be?

*****

long time, eh?

So...that's what happens in MEPN. You don't talk to anybody for, like, 4 months. Like I just did. Oops!

I missed posting. I'm going to rectify that a little bit - for example, I know MEPN interview season is coming up, so I'm going to post reflections and pointers on that soon.

I'm enjoying being on break. Lots of running, cooking, hanging out, sleeping. Ignoring school. Well, mostly. I do plan on coming up with a schedule that accommodates school + weight training + half-marathon training + volunteering + relaxing. If I'm going to do all those things, I definitely need a schedule.

OK, time to wash the mud off me. I just ran 6 miles in the mud and rain and I LOVED IT.

ask me again in a week

Because right now I am OVER IT.
OVER
OVER
OVER
OVER
OVER ALL OF IT.

Over the exams. Over the 4:15 a.m. wakeups with an hour commute to and from clinicals. Over everything.

Perhaps it surfaced today because it was a beautiful day and I'd rather have spent it riding my shiny new bike to the ocean. Perhaps it's because I had an entire quarter of slacking catch up to me in the last 24 hours. Perhaps it's because tomorrow is our first final and I am protesting out of under-preparedness. Eh.

A week from tomorrow afternoon, my first quarter of MEPN is done. I will be 25% of the way to my RN license. That's exciting, but it's hard to keep the eventual goal in sight when everything sucks.

MEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Seriously, I'll post again in a week when I hate the world less.

*sigh*

It is the beginning of Week 8. 8 of 10 weeks in the quarter. And OH, am I ready for the end.

It is also the dead of winter August in San Francisco, meaning we haven't seen temps over 60 in ages and it actually RAINS at the Parnassus campus pretty much every day. So to remedy the effects of the weather, I have fixed myself a hot buttered rum (mmm, Kraken) and am going to gently blog my way to sleep.

In these last three weeks, we have:

• 2 patho exams
• 2 intro to nursing exams
• 2 patho homework assignments
• 1 pharma homework
• 1 pharma test
• allegedly, a pop quiz in patho, which would be just blatantly cruel
• 1 nursing skills final - all hands-on with a fellow student
• 6 more days of clinicals

Yeah, the workload seems heavily weighted toward this portion of the quarter. YEAH. HEAVILY.

Tomorrow is the first of those patho exams, and I have failed at studying for it quite miserably. I've been gloating about how I haven't had to expend very much time or energy on this program thus far, and today feels like the day that all fell apart. Luckily, it's on several systems I know well (namely GI, GU, neuro), so I hope to coast by on the merit of my experience. Like always, actually. I chose to spend my weekend out of town, drinking mimosas during my designated study time. I slack, I know. It's my fault, I know.

It's not that I am upset at myself for slacking. I'm not disappointed in myself. I am actively choosing to be social instead of studying, and I am getting by just fine - no, better than fine - on this plan. I do wonder if I'm not (ugh) living up to my potential. If I spent more time with the books, would I be some kind of nursing genius? Or, am I wasting money on this experience by not taking full advantage of absorbing all this extra knowledge? Am I missing out on something that my fellow students are getting because they spend more time studying for this?

I will firmly stand by my belief that the hard part was getting into this program. Now that I'm in it's not so bad, except for the time commitment to class and clinicals. Having a commute to the clinical portion is a further drag on my energy. These are new and different demands on my energy, and that's the hard part.

I feel good about my academic performance. Perhaps more importantly, I feel GREAT about my performance in clinicals. Some of the nurses on my floor assumed I was about to finish my program, not that I was a brand-new baby nurse. Patients have mostly given me good feedback...at least, the ones who can give feedback. All signs point to me doing something quite right.

The non-nursing school parts of my life are also going well. New relationship? AMAZING. Family? Brother is coming out to visit on the day of my last exam, so I get to spend a week dragging him around my hometown of the last almost-decade. Sounds pretty OK.

Now to slog through the last MILLION assignments to get to that ending. It's visible and there are a million obstacles in the way. Gotta go knock 'em down.

Everybody Poops

Yesterday was the infamous "Poop Lecture" in my Intro to Nursing class. I spent half the time taking lecture notes, and the other half of the time writing down the gems that my professor spouted about poop. Behold! Some of my favorites are below:

• "A sitz bath is like a butt jacuzzi."
• "A rectal prolapse is a type of hemorrhoid. You won't miss it, but you may want to confirm it. Because you might think it's a little animal."
• "A pressure ulcer is like an innie; a hemorrhoid is like an outie."
• "We should just make him DNR. Just kidding!"
• "She found out that if she plucked a pubic hair, people would pee. But some things just don't work in the hospital. I can't write that in a care plan."
• "Code Brown is cleaning it all up - where's the nearest nursing student?"
• "I don't do poop in the ED. It's a beautiful thing."
• "He has the Rock of Gibraltar up his ass. He really does. Can you smell what the rock is cooking?"
• "That's how we got the term 'tight-ass.'"
• "Yeah, he's gonna poop his brains out."
• "You'd be surprised what i can stick up your nose."

And we talked about digital disimpaction...extensively.

This lecture alone was worth the price of tuition. Seriously.

being tested

It has begun...both the official, in-class testing as well as the testing of patience and sanity in and out of the nursing setting.

This morning began with a pop quiz in Pathophysiology, and this afternoon was our first Pharmacology quiz. Neither was easy. Both illustrated to me that I am absolutely NOT studying very much. (Note that I didn't say "not enough;" I feel like I'm being adequate but not terribly ambitious about the academics in this program.) I'm going to need to somehow rectify that, though I don't feel like I should entirely abandon my life in order to grub for As.

I had a very nice conversation with an awesome classmate just now about the school/life balance. I was telling her that I refuse to give up my life - I'm still running and seeing friends, and that's not gonna stop. Not merely for the sake of getting high grades. She applauded my "healthy attitude," which felt lovely. I wish I were so excited and sincerely comfortable about my current stance.

Another classmate mentioned she went to student health today for a referral to counseling and that she burst into tears while talking to the MD. She admitted she's feeling the stress. Then a few other folks chimed in about randomly crying after their clinicals, or suffering from insomnia, or snapping at partners who innocently ask how things are going. It's the middle of week 4 and we are all starting to feel it. It's right around halfway through the quarter and we are all dragging our asses over the midpoint. I thought I was immune, but I currently feel absolutely drained.

Everything is work. Assembling food for tomorrow - ugh. Going to the farmers' market - a chore, not fun. Going to visit a sick friend - excited to see her, but I'm so exhausted that I'm afraid that I won't be very good company. I finished a couple of patient assessments to turn in tomorrow and I nearly cried over how much thought and effort it took. Just sitting here and typing hurts my brain. I won't be studying tonight. Again. I need to start coping well enough to find the strength to pull myself off the couch and into the academic mode.

This feeling - it's burnout, eh? Already. And I'm only in school. No work. No volunteering. I'm not *that* busy. I'm used to doing so much more. I'm running to keep my sanity, and seeing friends for the same reason, but it's not enough to really lift the crushing feeling of exhaustion.

I'm dreaming about our 3 weeks off in September. I'm helping to assemble Scrub Crawl for the day after our last clinical, and a karaoke night for the evening of our last final. Then I need to GO AWAY. I want to go to some hot springs up north or to Tahoe or to Monterey or SOMEWHERE for a few days. I want to recapture the first three weeks of June, when I was funemployed and broke but SO HAPPY. That's become my new ideal for time off: doing nothing, at home, being cheap and creative and selling half my life on eBay to be able to afford food. YEAH.

OK, off to see friend. Perhaps I will get charming again in the next 3 hours before I have to go to bed.

early advice

It's beginning of Week 3, and I have a few pieces of advice for y'all.

1. Take your CPR training/recertification close to the beginning of MEPN. Your ABCs will come up CONSTANTLY.
2. If in doubt, the right answer is "assess."
3. Take advantage of any time off you get, like the July 4th holiday. It'll be another long weekend next time. I recommend doing nothing school-related. I went on a 3-day-long first date and still managed to do homework and an online quiz. The relaxation is so very worthwhile.
   

OK, off to take ANOTHER online exam. Strangely enough, this quarter is a third over already. Time is so funny.

it's like running

Running hurt at first. Sometimes during, always after. Occasionally, even before - anticipatory pain.

MEPN is like that.

I haven't used my brain like this in a while. Even in pre-requisites, there was room to breathe. Even working full-time and taking pre-reqs full-time wasn't like this.

I am truly, truly brain-dead.

I try to read and words swim on the page in front of me. I try to take notes - look up and define terms, summarize what I learned today - and I just can't do it.

Does this mean I am broken and can't do it? Probably not. More likely, I need to train. Really, really efficiently.

They took it easy on us this week. Shorter days, classes that were more of an overview or orientation as opposed to lecture and work, a full day off from clinicals tomorrow. I get to saunter over to campus at a luxuriously late 9:15 for some team building. This week has been easy and I am beat. I semi-dread next week, with its normal crazy pace, actual assignments due, patient care beginning to move into my hands.

I am in such pain from the thinking, the synthesizing of information, the reading, the novelty. And what does a runner do when she is in pain? She takes a rest day. Rest up, repair damaged tissues, prepare for further damage. Except instead of delayed-onset muscle soreness (DOMS), I suppose I am having delayed/immediate-onset brain soreness (D/IOBS - not a real term at all, except on my blog). Nonetheless, I expect that resting up now instead of cramming in more info is going to be helpful. Leave me some brain to cram tomorrow.

That is how I justify my wine tonight. It is also how I concluded that I have permission to be totally worthless every single Friday night after clinicals. I will be eating take-out, drinking booze, and either zoning out alone with a movie or hanging out with other MEPN folks to debrief (in a HIPAA-compliant fashion, of course) and de-stress.

MEPN is crazy. I was so cocky, thinking I was so ready for it, and I was wrong, wrong, wrong. I am quite overwhelmed and a little behind. Already. On day 4.

It's going to get better, I'm sure. I will keep running and wine-ing and whining and it will all be OK.

first day

I rather liked it. I think I'll go back for more tomorrow.

They are being kind to us the first week - breaking us in easy. Our skills lab day actually starts at 9:15 instead of 8 - either an extra hour of sleep or studying, depending on what my body tells me tomorrow. Our first day of clinicals will begin at 8 instead of 7, though I think it'll make my commute a tiny bit worse to arrive then - I'll probably still head down early to beat traffic. We get Friday off from clinicals to do some team building thingy, which I would normally run far, far away from, but I think it'd be lovely to get to know people better.

Here we go, eh?

first official day tomorrow!

OMG.

orientation tomorrow!!

I had a brief UCSF moment today, just to get my ID badge and to be fitted for a TB mask. Tomorrow is orientation allllll day long. I don't know what half the day entails as we have not yet been given a full, detailed schedule. I assume it will be useful stuff. For an institution that loves forms, signage, checklists and the like, this is a bit disappointing.

how the trip ended

If you watch American news, you've probably seen the sinkhole. Yeah. Things went haywire at the end of my trip. I've been back for a few days, but they've been spent sleeping and seeing people whom I feared I would never see again. So that's a bit dramatic, but getting out of Guatemala was such an ordeal, thanks to the natural disaster action in late May.

Thursday, May 27: I am obliviously having my last dinner in Xela, enjoying drinks with new friends and thinking about how I will be on an Antigua-bound bus the next day. Nobody is watching the news, so we are all oblivious to the fact that the Pacaya Volcano has just had a pretty huge explosion. Planes heading in and out of Guatemala City are halted as of 7:30 that night.

Friday, May 28: I head out, and people at school let me know it may be harder to get into Antigua because of all this. My philosophy on this trip has become to head in your eventual direction, even if you get stuck in route, because at least you will be closer to your eventual destination. We manage to make it to Antigua, and notice it's raining. A lot.

Saturday, May 29: It's raining so much because this is tropical storm Agatha. Streets in Antigua are flooded up to my knees. That's a substantial improvement over Xela, which is so flooded that people are losing their homes. We lose electricity. I am obviously not going to the airport tomorrow. Freak out and call my airline. The next best scenario involves flying out of El Salvador...Tuesday. I cry. I take the change of flights. I have been ready to go home and am really upset.

Sunday, May 30: Rain has stopped. In fact, it's kind of beautiful today. We sit in Internet cafes, sipping daiquiris, Skype-ing folks back home about how badass we are for surviving all these insane natural disasters.

Monday, May 31: Get on a bus to El Salvador. See Guatemala City on our way, still shoveling tons of volcanic ash out of the way. Encounter several detours on the way because of rock and mudslides. Make it to El Salvador just fine. Collapse in our hotel room all day.

Tuesday, June 1: Get to the airport 4+ hour prior to our flights and barely make it through check-in and security. It was insane. Everyone who had flights out of Guatemala since Thursday night was there. Just insane. Make it home around midnight. Notice my GI tract doesn't feel so hot.

Wednesday, June 2: Home. With amoebic dysentary. Start my Flagyl and feel sorry for myself. I can't even have a cocktail to celebrate being home.

******

Overall verdict on the trip? I'm glad I did it. It was useful, usually. My Spanish is vastly better. I got to see a country I'd never been to before, and it was beautiful. I met lovely people. I'd do it again with my current knowledge: don't do homestay, make sure there are not too many people in the program when I go, make it a bit shorter but more focused overall. Travel to the parts of the country I missed this time (Livingston, Flores, Coban).

But right now, I am so happy to be home that I can barely handle it. Now I can return to chattering about school. Today, however, is a rare sunny day. It is made for a leisurely stroll to the library and the farmers' market, then reading the paper while lounging in the sun.

last weekend at Lago Atitlan

Lago Atitlan is, by far, one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. Unreal. It reminds me a lot of Tahoe, only with steeper mountains and totally different character.

We got a private shuttle leaving from Xela at 7 a.m. and had a motion-sickness-inducing ride through the mountains down to Atitlan. We arrived in San Pedro around 10 a.m. to our obscenely beautiful, relatively new hotel right by the Santiago dock. We divided up our party of 6 between 2 rooms and headed out to check out what San Pedro has to offer.

The answer to that quandry is: lots of expatriates who own businesses in the town. Pretty much every sign we saw was in English. Now, that's not, by itself, a bad thing. It IS, however, an impediment to the purpose of my trip; i.e., learning more Spanish.

It was just before noon when we saw a sign advertising BBQ and bocce at a place called ¨La Piscina.¨ Uh, really?? I could be eating a BURGER and playing BOCCE? Oh, so there.

Thus began and ended my first day in San Pedro. Well, it wasn't entirely over after that, but the afternoon sure was shot. La Piscina serves a very deadly concoction that they swear is just sangria but is actually the tastiest and most dangerous thing I have ever consumed. I lost terribly at bocce. I had a lot of sangria and a tasty burger as well. My friends and I went back to our hotel to nap before dinner. An excellent day overall.

Next morning I was supposed to hike volcano San Pedro with some friends, but I couldn't make the 4:30 a.m. wakeup call, so I continued sleeping instead. Woke up a couple hours later and had brunch with other non-hikers. We continued wandering around town, and it got a bit too hot out for that activity to remain comfortable. We went back to the hotel to drink white wine and await the arrival of our hiker friends.

Their hike only took 4 or 5 hours. I wish I had gone, but I was also informed that it was far more brutal than my demanding morning of brunch, wine, and a token amount of studying. We all chatted on the patio of the hotel. Half of our crew left to get a chicken bus back to Xela. Then one of the hikers went down to our room to shower, and found out her bag (containing all her money, debit card, and passport) had just been stolen from our hotel room.

Oh fuck.

What do you do when this happens?

1. Freak out if you were the one robbed; get mega-calm if you are her friend who will have to help her navigate the next steps.
2. Go to internet cafe. Cancel all cards. Research how to get your passport for your flight that leaves in less than 48 hours.
3. Figure out how to get to your country's embassy ASAP in the morning. This involves an early trip as well as your friends spotting you money for your private shuttle that gets you to the embassy during its ridiculous hours.
4. Go to the police - the special tourism police, in our case. They will write up a report that you can take to the embassy to aid in getting your passport. They initially seem very helpful. Then they will call the owner of the hotel where you are staying, and he will demand an inspection (and will also pay off the cops to come do this).
5. Deal with the police when they show up at your hotel unnanounced. Go back to police station another time to amend police report. Politely decline when police say 'you know, we could help you,' as in, if you are willing to pay.
   
6. Drink heavily upon return.
7. Sleep as much as possible to deal with shit the next day.

My friends and I took a boat from San Pedro to Panajachel, another beautiful town that is a bit bittersweet for me now. The friend who was robbed got on a shuttle to the capitol immediately and managed to arrive at the embassy an hour before it closed. They were nice enough to stay open 1 hour later until her emergency passport was ready. My other friend and I attempted to get on a shuttle back to Xela, and found out there was a huge protest over energy prices blocking the highway in that direction.

Uh.

So we had to stay in Panajachel until 4 p.m. We sat in a cafe all day, eating, drinking, studying, and appreciating the fact we two were the ones stuck and not our friend who needed to make it to the embassy.

4 p.m. - we go to catch our shuttle. All is well for about half an hour, when we discover that there has been a ROCK SLIDE on the highway. We spend the next 2 hours in a restaurant along the highway (and yes, it is singular 'highway' because there really is only one that can take us where we need to go). Depart from here around 6:30. Change shuttles 3 times over the next 2-ish hours. Arrive back in Xela around 9 p.m. We checked out of our hotel at 8 a.m.

Oh god, what a weekend.

*****

One piece of news that alleviates my homesickness: it has apparently been a very cold, wet May in San Francisco. I spent last weekend at a tropical Central American lake. Yeah.

what. a. weekend.

This weekend was ridiculous. Mostly in not-good ways. I need a while to package it up and post it for you. The full report will entail:

• a description of a bocce tournament at the best ex-pat pool bar in San Pedro, Guatemala;
• instructions on how to get an emergency passport if yours (not mine in this case, but a friend's) is stolen within 48 hours of you needing to leave the country;
• tips for dealing with corrupt Guatemalan policemen;
• how to maintain your sanity when a protest and then a rockslide prevent you from returning home for 12 hours.

Ridiculous weekend. That's what I've got to say.

*****

I had an email this morning letting me know that training for the SF Half Marathon begins today. That's both good and bad: bad, because I cannot start training now. No matter what you hear, running in Xela is really effing hard unless you go to the track. I don't want to run in circles. And good, because that means I am only 2 weeks behind in training. This may not end up being my fastest race, but I will certainly be able to finish it.

Overall, that reminder made me REALLY REALLY homesick and sad. I only have 10 more days in Xela, and 12 more in Guatemala. That's not very long to enjoy a country I've never seen before. Then again, this weekend certainly soured my enjoyment up to this point and made me a lot more vigilant about safety.

more Guatemala chatter

I keep going back and forth between loving this trip and wondering what I´m getting out of it. I think this is probably related to coping with homesickness. Over the last two weeks, I´ve certainly vacillated between rage, bargaining, and acceptance. Every other day I´ve found something to be bitchy about. WAH! I don´t wanna do homestay anymore! I´m a big girl and I don´t wanna have a semi-official curfew! Or, WAH! There are too many students here now - I wanna talk to patients instead of teaching the newbies! WAH! WAH!!!!!!

And today my lesson was a field trip to the huge market in Chichicastenango, which was kind of awesome. The town itself was far more touristy than Xela - prices in restaurants were prety high, the gringo population was pretty substantial and pretty multinational, not just US folks, and the vendors were aggressive. More so than I´ve seen anywhere else in this country.

Taking my lesson out of the classroom was an excellent idea. Class is helpful, but I´d rather practice in the streets than sit head-to-head and both spend a lot of time daydreaming and staring out the window. Oh, and learning verb tenses. Yeah, that too.

I think I´m benefitting from this trip overall. A good test will be tomorrow´s clinic - I´m slated to work triage, which is an excellent test of both my comprehension and conversational skills. Yesterday there was a moment in which I forgot a word in English and tried to say it in Spanish instead, which was a pretty good sign for my language acquisition process.

Still, I do have an eye on the calendar and am pretty happy about reaching the near-halfway point in my trip. I´ll be ready to go home in 2 weeks. I no longer want to go home earlier than that, but I´ll be happy to see May 30th. I also think that´s a nice testament to the fact that my life at home is pretty awesome - friends, running, pending school newness - and I´ll be happy to get back to it knowing now how badly I miss it.

I went to the world's oddest natural history museum today. It was mostly Mayan archeological finds and really creepy taxidermy.

I need to reiterate and re-emphasize that statement: REALLY CREEPY taxidermy.

Lots of armadillos. Fetuses in formaldehyde. Tons of tatty birds. Creepily poised predators. Dear god, so weird.

Walking around Xela today I heard what I presume to be a high school band practicing. Why do I assume this? Why, because yours truly was in one of those, and knows what pop music arranged for marching band sounds like. I've been hearing a very brassy and bad (yes, worse than the original) version of "Bad Romance" off and on all day.

I'm in an internet cafe and have certainly expanded my Spanish vocabulary sitting here. Can you define pornografiar? I sure can.

Anyway, I'm delaying going home to my host family. I need to go back, maybe have dinner with them, then probably head out to watch the local soccer team's big game, probably via TV in a bar with some other students.

Weeeeeeird day.

synaptic plasticity is awesome

I think last night a switch finally went off in my head, and Spanish is falling into place quite nicely. I realized during lecture today that I know what´s going on. And I know this because today´s lecture was a mish-mosh of Mayan astronomy and philosophy, theoretical physics, an herbal pharmacopeia, and the economics of medical care...and I totally understood what was happening. Uh, yeah.

Then I watched the Superchivos (yes, it means ¨Super Goats¨ - Xela´s soccer team) lose very unfortunately.

And then I went on a camioneta (chicken bus) to go to a guarderia (day care) in Llano del Pinal, about 20 minutes away by bus. I made 2 little friends who found me interesting for about 15 minutes each. Then a bunch of little girls asked me my age, and refused to believe me because they couldn´t find any canas (gray hairs) - and yes, they looked. Then another camioneta back to school, where I now sit and am about to do homework before an all-school dinner. FUN.

Instead of avoiding fellow Gringos, I´ve actually made friends. I´ve got a pretty set group of folks with whom I have drinks after school and such, and the other people in the medical program all turned out to be pretty great. So, WIN.

I still feel awkward about doing a homestay, but between school, clinic, and homework, I´m not home much except to sleep. And the awkward feeling diminishes every day as I´m better able to communicate with them. Also, last night we went to a bar in a hostel, which would be my housing alternative to homestay, and it was full of irritating hippies. So...I´m gonna feel awkward anywhere. Might as well go with the option that feeds and shelters me, eh?

Anyway, back to homework.

Guate: first update

I got into Guatemala on Sunday night and have either been asleep, on transportation of some ilk, or being overwhelmed since my arrival. Here´s the short version of the last 3 days.

Landed in the City on Sunday afternoon. Got a ride to my hotel and saw my favorite sight possibly ever: an entire family on a motorcycle. As in, kid on the tank, Dad driving, another kid behind him, and Mom bringing up the rear. With her helmet securely tucked into the crook of her elbow. It was the only helmet on board. Ah. Definitely no longer in the US.

First night involved SLEEPING and not much else. There was another lodger there who spoke only French and Spanish, so I got to translate some words for her from French-Spanish so she could communicate with staff. Which was neat, but didn´t help my brain organize itself into the mean, lean, Spanish-only machine I´m hoping for.

(quick note: punctuation on Spanish keyboards is WAY different. Pardon any weird symbols or the like.)

Next morning went to the bus terminal at 5:30 (yep!) for a 6:15 bus. I slept most of the way, thanks to my allegedly less-drowsy Dramamine.

I´m a veritable pharmacopia of anti-nausea meds. Lots of Pepto, taken 4x a day to prevent diarrhea and vomiting. I´m on day 3 in Central America with no GI upset, so I assume it´s working.

I arrived a bit late to my first class - a lecture in Spanish on Guatemalan health beliefs and cultural competency in a medical setting. It was awesome, and i got about 80% or more of what was going on. That was a nice confidence booster.

Then my family came to the school to meet me. This is the part I´m having the most difficulty around: homestay. I´m old. Like, really old. And I´m used to coming and going as I please, NOT having other people in the house who want to know when I´ll be back and such. And it´s for a good reason they ask - so they know when to feed me - but I still hate feeling like such a stranger in the place where I sleep. The family is little old grandma, her daughter, and daughter´s 3 sons. They´re all nice the food is great, my room and bathroom are private, and they help me practice my Spanish skills, but I honestly don´t know if I can hack this part. I like being alone A LOT. So I may opt for a hostel for the rest of the trip.

This weekend I am likely going to a big soccer match in town, just to get a feel for that part of the culture, then I hope to go out and see the town. A nice day of wandering, eating, shopping, and drinking. I feel like if my host family is OK with me being out until all hours, sweet. I can handle another 3 weeks of that. But if they aren´t so down with that, I think I need to live elsewhere. Sunday is a day-long hike to a local coffee farm near a beautiful lake. Lots of photo opps, I hear.

I now have a lecture to attend, which is a great way to passively absorb the language. Classes are intense, one-on-one, 4-hour affairs. Clinic in the morning is NUTS and AMAZING and I worked ¨triage,¨which is a total misnomer because I was basically taking full patient histories. In Spanish. AWESOME. Tomorrow we do a mobile clinic to a tiny village 30 minutes away. Lots of intestinal parasites and such.

I´m adjusting to a very different lifestyle. No work. I haven´t been out at ALL yet. Not so much electronic obsession. I brought my phone but haven´t used it yet. This is about the second time I´ve used a computer since Saturday. I´m sleeping a ton, eating 3 homemade meals a day. I gotta say, some parts are nice. I´m not homesick, per se, but I am looking forward to coming home. I don´t think I´ll opt to extend my trip an extra week.

I'm off!

Yesterday was my last day @ work. Weird, weird feeling. I then promptly ignored my responsibilities for the evening in favor of going out. When I woke up this morning, the panic ensued.

Am I ready for my trip? On that plane that leaves, y'know, TONIGHT? No. No, I am not.

So today was harried packing, a nice 8-mile run, delicious Vietnamese food for lunch, a last-minute trip for any OTC medications I could possibly need, and now I am taking a breather before leaving for the airport. I plan to get there around 7, have a leisurely dinner, get through security with plenty of time pre-flight, buy a gifty trinket for my host family, and board my flight.

The theme of today has been WTF AM I DOING???????? I'm full of thoughts of finality. When I was on my run I kept thinking, "this is the last time I'm going to do this run." Which I know isn't true, but I can't help but think weird thoughts right now. I feel...off. I think it's just because this is the beginning of a drastically new routine. Even though I'll be back in a month, I haven't taken a month off from my routine EVER. I've changed routines, but in a much more rapid-fire fashion than this. This is such a foreign feeling. When I get home, it'll be to a temporary new routine. I'll be out of shape from a month off from running. I'll be broke without the steady job income, instead living off my admittedly meager savings. Then SCHOOL.

All right. Back to alternating panic and excitement. Next time - a post from Central America!

beginning of ends

Today was my official last day at my much-beloved volunteer job of 7 years. This is probably the least permanent, yet probably hardest, good-bye I'll have to do. I love that place, and I've put so much work and love into what I've done there. I've never worked so hard at something that felt so natural and rewarding. I plan to come back for at least a day during the next training, but I doubt I'll be able to put in the same amount of time I have over the last several years. That is a really difficult change to accept.

This is a week of lasts. Every day at work is my last this-day-of-the-week, and working somewhere that is volunteer-staffed and has a different staff every four hours, this will equal a lot of good-byes. It's going to be emotionally exhausting, I know.

I am about to go to bed at 9:30 p.m. to get myself ready for this difficult and crazy week. Oh yeah, and I'm gonna be in Central America at this time next week. Am I ready yet? Nooooooo. But am I going anyway? Oh, yes I am.

Get 'er done!

I'm emerging from my grief-bubble and realizing that all those things on my to-do list didn't magically go away. Now I need to get some shit done.

My advice for students entering any program, but (probably) especially MEPN: do not slack on the incoming student stuff. There's SO much of it. Financial aid stuff. Immunizations and TB testing. And yeah, my ordeal is further complicated by the pending travel to Guatemala (!!!), but luckily travel vaccinations overlapped pretty substantially with school requirements. The school's immunization portal has been malfunctioning, and they emailed today to say it won't be accessible until the day I leave the country. AAAAHHHHH! I hate last-minute!

If you are lucky enough to work in health care currently, try to get some of those requirements done through there. I have Hep B titer and TB tests to show from my job, and that's minimizing the stress at least a bit.

15 more days until I leave my job.

16 more days until I leave the country.

2-ish months until I become a nursing student.

Eeek.

Mourning

I went quiet for a bit. The last week has been odd, unexpected, and painful.

A close friend of mine died in an accident last week. It's never good timing, but I feel like this was especially fucked-up timing.

I didn't go to his funeral, which was a hard decision but one I felt like was the best I could have made. I like to grieve privately.

I did have to call several of his friends to let them know about his passing. I found out via phone myself, and I'd rather those close to him heard that way rather than, you know, electronically. It's not a piece of news I loved giving, but I figure that, going into the field I am, it won't be the only time I have to tell somebody that a person they love has died.

At some point I will start sleeping again. I hope.

***

The Luxury of Choice

I got a call today from one of my other schools, letting me know to expect an acceptance letter in the next few days. That was nice of them.

I also sent my denial to another school today. It felt weird - like I'm afraid that UCSF is somehow going to change their minds, or there will be some clerical error and I won't be able to go - so telling another school "no" felt wrong.

I'm still pleased that I got into ANY school at all, so getting into multiple ones is overwhelming. Even though I am quite sure I've picked the right school, I am nonetheless questioning every other offer that comes my way. The last school I went to was the only one I applied to, so I didn't have any decisions to make. I did a round of apps almost 10 years ago and got in nowhere, so I know how that feels and I didn't want to be in that position again.

Reality continues its slow descent upon me.

Step 2: Paperwork, Planning, Paying

Oh, it has started. The paperwork deluge. I know it's really only beginning. I signed on for this, right?

Today was the endless "I swear, I live in California" form.

Then was the application to study at Clinica Pop-Wuj for May...along with the application fee. Ching! The first of many CHINGs! I had to buy accompanying plane fare for said trip, but that had miraculously become cheaper over the last week.

This morning I received my confirmation for the trip. Now I feel compelled to consume every travel book I can get my hands on.

Gave notice at work, which means I now get to comb through piles of applicants for my job.

I'm now in the planning phase. What do I have to do before my trip? Put gym membership on hold. Hope motorcycle battery holds up for a month - get a charger in case it doesn't. Give subletter keys, instructions. Lists, items to do, things to assemble.

After waiting for so many months, having to condense such big plans into such a small chunk of time feels so odd. Leaving a job, leaving the country, coming back and rapidly jumping into a new lifestyle. I think I've needed a change of this magnitude for a while, and feeling so apprehensive yet excited about the whole thing is great. It's like standing on the edge of a cliff and peeking over the edge. Scary, yes, but I understand it's going to be fine in the end.

Step 1: Freak Out

It's been a week since I found out I got into UCSF. Today I got the official (electronic) admissions letter. I made a call to the Student Affairs office while at work last week, which wasn't elegant but ended up being nice nonetheless.

You're asking, you had to *call* to get your admissions decision? Yeah, I did. Upon the advice of some very nice folks on the UCSF MEPN thread on allnurses.com, I called them to find out what the next three years of my life were going to be (or not). And, well, the news was good. I'm going to MEPN beginning this June, will spend a year doing my pre-licensure work, and then spend two years becoming a Family Nurse Practitioner.

I can't forget the phone call. Immediately upon hearing the word "accepted," I was in shock. Shaking, crying, gasping for air...just, shocked that this was happening. And it took days to wear off. After a few days, I started sleeping properly again. Functioning. Eating enough and relaxing and exercising again.

But today...today, I got the tangible affirmation. It's really gonna happen. I have a letter, it's real, I submitted my intention to attend. Wow.

Now reality is setting in. Those student loans that were nicely deferred while I took my pre-requisites for the last two years? My lender has come knocking. The trip to Central America I want to take in May? Now comes the reality of finding a flight, paying application fees to language schools, watching my savings dwindle as I buy tickets and books. Oh, and the ceremonious quitting of my job. I've been there for MANY YEARS and though I'm ready to leave, it's still weird.

Know how people talk about out-of-body experiences? They're a little woo-woo for my liking, but I think that's the best way to describe how I feel right now. Like I'm watching all of this happen to me from the outside, and inside my head I still don't really believe this is going on.