Everybody Poops

Yesterday was the infamous "Poop Lecture" in my Intro to Nursing class. I spent half the time taking lecture notes, and the other half of the time writing down the gems that my professor spouted about poop. Behold! Some of my favorites are below:

• "A sitz bath is like a butt jacuzzi."
• "A rectal prolapse is a type of hemorrhoid. You won't miss it, but you may want to confirm it. Because you might think it's a little animal."
• "A pressure ulcer is like an innie; a hemorrhoid is like an outie."
• "We should just make him DNR. Just kidding!"
• "She found out that if she plucked a pubic hair, people would pee. But some things just don't work in the hospital. I can't write that in a care plan."
• "Code Brown is cleaning it all up - where's the nearest nursing student?"
• "I don't do poop in the ED. It's a beautiful thing."
• "He has the Rock of Gibraltar up his ass. He really does. Can you smell what the rock is cooking?"
• "That's how we got the term 'tight-ass.'"
• "Yeah, he's gonna poop his brains out."
• "You'd be surprised what i can stick up your nose."

And we talked about digital disimpaction...extensively.

This lecture alone was worth the price of tuition. Seriously.