Step 1: Freak Out

It's been a week since I found out I got into UCSF. Today I got the official (electronic) admissions letter. I made a call to the Student Affairs office while at work last week, which wasn't elegant but ended up being nice nonetheless.

You're asking, you had to *call* to get your admissions decision? Yeah, I did. Upon the advice of some very nice folks on the UCSF MEPN thread on allnurses.com, I called them to find out what the next three years of my life were going to be (or not). And, well, the news was good. I'm going to MEPN beginning this June, will spend a year doing my pre-licensure work, and then spend two years becoming a Family Nurse Practitioner.

I can't forget the phone call. Immediately upon hearing the word "accepted," I was in shock. Shaking, crying, gasping for air...just, shocked that this was happening. And it took days to wear off. After a few days, I started sleeping properly again. Functioning. Eating enough and relaxing and exercising again.

But today...today, I got the tangible affirmation. It's really gonna happen. I have a letter, it's real, I submitted my intention to attend. Wow.

Now reality is setting in. Those student loans that were nicely deferred while I took my pre-requisites for the last two years? My lender has come knocking. The trip to Central America I want to take in May? Now comes the reality of finding a flight, paying application fees to language schools, watching my savings dwindle as I buy tickets and books. Oh, and the ceremonious quitting of my job. I've been there for MANY YEARS and though I'm ready to leave, it's still weird.

Know how people talk about out-of-body experiences? They're a little woo-woo for my liking, but I think that's the best way to describe how I feel right now. Like I'm watching all of this happen to me from the outside, and inside my head I still don't really believe this is going on.