The Luxury of Choice

I got a call today from one of my other schools, letting me know to expect an acceptance letter in the next few days. That was nice of them.

I also sent my denial to another school today. It felt weird - like I'm afraid that UCSF is somehow going to change their minds, or there will be some clerical error and I won't be able to go - so telling another school "no" felt wrong.

I'm still pleased that I got into ANY school at all, so getting into multiple ones is overwhelming. Even though I am quite sure I've picked the right school, I am nonetheless questioning every other offer that comes my way. The last school I went to was the only one I applied to, so I didn't have any decisions to make. I did a round of apps almost 10 years ago and got in nowhere, so I know how that feels and I didn't want to be in that position again.

Reality continues its slow descent upon me.

Step 2: Paperwork, Planning, Paying

Oh, it has started. The paperwork deluge. I know it's really only beginning. I signed on for this, right?

Today was the endless "I swear, I live in California" form.

Then was the application to study at Clinica Pop-Wuj for May...along with the application fee. Ching! The first of many CHINGs! I had to buy accompanying plane fare for said trip, but that had miraculously become cheaper over the last week.

This morning I received my confirmation for the trip. Now I feel compelled to consume every travel book I can get my hands on.

Gave notice at work, which means I now get to comb through piles of applicants for my job.

I'm now in the planning phase. What do I have to do before my trip? Put gym membership on hold. Hope motorcycle battery holds up for a month - get a charger in case it doesn't. Give subletter keys, instructions. Lists, items to do, things to assemble.

After waiting for so many months, having to condense such big plans into such a small chunk of time feels so odd. Leaving a job, leaving the country, coming back and rapidly jumping into a new lifestyle. I think I've needed a change of this magnitude for a while, and feeling so apprehensive yet excited about the whole thing is great. It's like standing on the edge of a cliff and peeking over the edge. Scary, yes, but I understand it's going to be fine in the end.

Step 1: Freak Out

It's been a week since I found out I got into UCSF. Today I got the official (electronic) admissions letter. I made a call to the Student Affairs office while at work last week, which wasn't elegant but ended up being nice nonetheless.

You're asking, you had to *call* to get your admissions decision? Yeah, I did. Upon the advice of some very nice folks on the UCSF MEPN thread on allnurses.com, I called them to find out what the next three years of my life were going to be (or not). And, well, the news was good. I'm going to MEPN beginning this June, will spend a year doing my pre-licensure work, and then spend two years becoming a Family Nurse Practitioner.

I can't forget the phone call. Immediately upon hearing the word "accepted," I was in shock. Shaking, crying, gasping for air...just, shocked that this was happening. And it took days to wear off. After a few days, I started sleeping properly again. Functioning. Eating enough and relaxing and exercising again.

But today...today, I got the tangible affirmation. It's really gonna happen. I have a letter, it's real, I submitted my intention to attend. Wow.

Now reality is setting in. Those student loans that were nicely deferred while I took my pre-requisites for the last two years? My lender has come knocking. The trip to Central America I want to take in May? Now comes the reality of finding a flight, paying application fees to language schools, watching my savings dwindle as I buy tickets and books. Oh, and the ceremonious quitting of my job. I've been there for MANY YEARS and though I'm ready to leave, it's still weird.

Know how people talk about out-of-body experiences? They're a little woo-woo for my liking, but I think that's the best way to describe how I feel right now. Like I'm watching all of this happen to me from the outside, and inside my head I still don't really believe this is going on.